Live, Love and Grieve together….

I apologize about my extended delay from blogging, but my heart really hasn’t been in it.  We’ve had a few interesting and fun updates, but also a few pictures which were passed along from one of our close family friends(or family member in my book).

I’ll give you a bit of a back story on some of these photos. I didn’t want them.  Well, i shouldn’t say that. I wanted the candid shots, but I didn’t want many of the others.  Am I happy I have them now? yes and no.  Mainly because I spent a lot of time smiling for camera’s while I was crying inside.  It just didn’t feel right.  The ability to see friends and family, hold them, talk to them and just let them be there for us is all the memory I will ever need.  That being said, a few candid photo’s did come ot of the mix which were truly phenomenal.  These were the types that I did  want, as it was a true showing of the day, the emotion and everything in between.

Here, to me, is one of the most favorite photo(s) I’ve had taken in my life.  It wasn’t staged, i didn’t know there was a camera, but I can tell you exactly what I was thinking at that moment…pain, sorrow, weights being lifted off our shoulders, and finally protection.  My dad is now gone,  and my role will be to protect our family at all cost.

All the years, all months we watched my dad fight the good fight, and then there we were, all alone.  I can honestly say I haven’t grieved much about my dad.  I think i’m still learning that process, and i take it one day at a time.  Some days are great, others…..wish i could just go to bed.

Here are two other photo’s from the military service which were incredibly well done.

They hand off my dads plag to my mom, with a wonderfully scripted verse, thanking him for his serivice.

The last salute!

I’ve said this over and over, but I can’t thank the military team which was at the serivice.  That has to be an incredibly hard job for them to continue day in and day out.  They accomplished the service with class, precision and an attention to detail my dad would have loved.

I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last month.  The first is that he’s not here.  The second is that it’s much harder to have our normal weekly conversations with a photo frame(but i win any political debates  we have).  The third thing is that I thought I was prepared for it, but i wasnt.  I’m still dealing with that, and trying to figure out my way of grieving, and its been a difficult process. I’m slowly learning the process.  Lastly, that my wife has been supportive, helpful and trying to assist eventhough there isn’t a manual to helping me(or my mom) deal with each day.  She has been wonderful throughout though.

We all need our space, but especially for someone like me, I need my family.  Family lets you heal by talking about great stories of your loves ones. It keeps them alive in your family, the perfect way.  Memories last forever.  I can proudly say that my dad has been seared into my memory,  for many many many reasons.  That time, is something that can not be taken from me.

Love you dad, will continue to think of you everyday. .

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